‘I Wish You Well: The Gwyneth Paltrow Ski-Trial Musical’ is pretty awful. It’s a show that has come down from the Edinburgh fringe, and whilst it might work there – unlike Six and similar transfers – it’s not nearly strong enough to survive in London.
It’s a musical (you might have guessed that from the name’ about Terry Sanderson’s infamous ski trial against Gwyneth Paltrow, where she famously whispered, “I wish you well” as she exited the courtroom.
The musical opens with an introduction to the characters involved in the ski collision case. Paltrow (played by Diana Vickers) faces off against Sanderson (Marc Antolin) in a courtroom filled with absurdly exaggerated personalities, including super camp Judge Jude (Idriss Kargbo) and the Claimant’s lawyer (Tori Allen-Martin). The characters’ names give you an immediate sense of quite how bad this show is. Apart from Gwynneth Paltrow (called Gwynny P throughout), lawyer Kristin van Ormin is renamed Kristin Fangirlin, Judge Holmberg is renamed Judge Jude – for no other reason than to give him the opening line: ‘Have you met my sister Judy?’ (ha ha ha -not). The Claimant Terry Sanderson is renamed Terry Sightworsens. It’s not funny. Not the slightest bit. It smacks of a 14 year old’s sense of humour, if that 14 year old had lived inside a box and never heard a joke in their life.
Some of the songs are really good. ‘Do You Know Taylor (Swift)?’ is extremely funny, as is ‘Courtroom Catwalk’. But nothing can save the musical from the sheer tedium of the script, and the unfunny jokes punctuating the well-developed musical numbers. The choreography is terrible, with absurdly amateur moves (the exception being the magnifent performance of Idriss Kargbo during ‘Courtwoom Catwalk’. The actors were doing the timewarp movements during one of the numbers. I kid you not.
The two female leads, Diana Vickers and Tori Allen-Martin, delivered outstanding vocal performances, with strong physical comedic chops from Allen-Martin. It’s just a shame the material was so bad. Idriss Kargbo camped it up magnificently; it was a skilful performance but just bizarre as to why the script required the portrayal of the campest judge in legal history.
Let’s mention the recurring theme throughout the show; Gwyneth Paltrow’s well-known candles, with her own unique scent. Every few minutes, one of the characters mentioned, or took a sniff, of the candle. It was a little bit funny the first time (again, if you’re that 14 year old with an underdeveloped sense of humour). But not the second, or third, or fourth, or fifth, or sixth… you get the gist.
To be fair, a lot of the audience found the show funny; the was a huge amount of whooping and cheering throughout. But it fell totally flat for me. Nothing worked; nothing resonated. Only the strong performances, particularly the female leads, and a couple of catchy numbers, justify a second star.
The highlight of the show for me? The curtain falling, after just one hour. Thank goodness it was an Edinburgh transfer with an Edinburgh length.